WARHEAD

I am not a poet but I’ll do some justice with words that will linger in your mind,drive you to insanity with thoughts of if I mean this or that,words that will have you drawn in by the time you realize it you’ll be falling off of a cliff to a bottomless pit,screaming for help but you’re not in any danger just my soul taking yours for a ride around the city of words in my head.

Every word out of my mouth or rather my heart as that swig you take as you try to drown you fears,just an eye opener.
Open your eyes to the grey areas you have put yourself in,locked up yet you claim to be free.Freedom is relative so you say,well I say ain nobody your family here so listen,listen to my words as they shoot up your spine to your brainstem not to traumatize but to cripple the insane ideologies of being a lesser person.

You’re plugged in the glitz and glamor feeling the need to put on thick layers of vanity armor to hide the sea of beautiful waves with breakable bridges supposedly meant to protect but who are you protecting?
You work hard to earn that paycheck only to burn it all to the ground trying to match standards that have been forced into your mind willingly,bringing all your efforts of a better future to the ground.

The future is a dark and scary place like a canvas to a painter with no idea what to paint,
Your life is your canvas,you can paint it how you want it but for a masterpiece you have to have skilled hands to do the work and a good eye for detail. After all many that claim to see are blinded by the illusion of superiority by the need to supersede the already existing perfection hence the brutal imperfection drowning the mental ability to comprehend any imposed thoughts.

Freedom is obtainable if you unplug and let that device switch off because it does not have to dictate who you think you are.
Within you is the never dying device that will forever make your canvas a masterpiece only if fueled with the right content that will not damage the parts that collectively make the perfectly imperfect you.

©️ Melcaren

I MEAN IT

Everyday I wake up,get outta that bed and take the first step toward a new day,I mean it.
Prepare to face the world,get my make up done,gotta look fly,I mean it.
It’s a hustle,making a better future for myself,I sure as hell mean it.

I dont come from the greatest side,so does about billions of other people,we all want it good dont we?
I mean look at us today,out here all about self preservation,its all about me,i want this,i want that
It’s all good looking out for self but what happens when I don’t look out for the person next to me?

That beautiful girl right next to you,she looking fly,her make up on point and damn bro she fine as hell right? Am I right?
What happens when tomorrow you get up on that phone and see her pretty face all bruised up,her beautiful body covered in blood,cuts on her wrists
She got fed up,hurt herself and jumped off of that twenty storey building you aspire to own someday.

That handsome young man who hasn’t said a damn word to you,he dont look your type,or maybe you just dont feel his vibe but he alright.He ain gon’ say a word to nobody,he just looking for a place to drown out the noise in his head,I can get pretty loud right now but who chooses to hear me? Who?

I cant even hear my own thoughts when I choose to light up that cigarette to calm my nerves,I’m shaking, my anxiety takes control and I dont know what to do.
Maybe I should jump.
Into conclusions as we watch the news thinking,oh I knew that guy.He was sitting right next to me last night.He looked fine,nothing weird.I bet he on drugs or something.What is wrong with our generation!

A mother on her knees asking God why,why she gotta bury her own,she aging fast yet she still gotta face the pain of losing her only son and she dont know why.
His friends come around saying nice things about him and she’s left with questions,if he was this good then what happened?

Our generation! You and me.
We are this generation.
I ain gonna stand here and call you out nah,I’m calling myself out.
I care about me,I care about moving foward,and that’s why i keep on going back ten steps,twenty two years and i ain’t got shit figured out.
I want better but at what cost?
Take down a girl who ain about my crap,roast her online Make sure she stick to her lane,I’m awesome right?

She left that WhatsApp group and I’m the queen of roasts.yay for me.I’m a G. she couldn’t take the heat, F her,failure is what she is. E-scape is all she wanted,her D-addy abuse her and the damn C-hild don’t have nobody to run to.B-elieve me I know,life ain’t as easy as ABC but at least I’m A-live right? Right?

Now I dont know that girl,I mean I dont even know her real name! But I went ahead and called her out on her ‘lame’ life and now guess what?
Humor me!
She got no life no more.
We take things lightly not giving two shits about anything or anyone.
Well that has got to stop!

I dont want to wake up tomorrow, get online to RIP stacey,we loved you Tina,you were a good man Bruce,
NO! I am tired.
It could be me looking down those twenty floors with absolutely no reason to stay,see what life has to offer I mean Tina was so smart,now bruised up on that clean concrete,one more year and she’d be the next big shot in the Law society.
They were all good,we just wait till they gone and that’s when we mean it.
I want a better future I mean it.
I want to see another day,I want that mom to wake up and make breakfast for her kids,
I want that dad to say that’s my boy!
I want you to look at that human being next to you and find it in your heart the reality of familiarity,after all we’re all human and we all hurt.
It is our generation,without us there’s no generation to talk about is there?

One more step and I can get back to my comfy bed.
I’m damn tired,I mean it!

©️melcaren

Drowning Fear

I’m scared.
Of the things that have been,the product of what has been and what will be.I’m scared of what I was as,because it will never be.
I’m scared of what I am because I know what I might be,
I’m scared of what I will be.

I’m scared of loss,
I’ve lost and I keep losing.
Losing the people I love,i keep to myself not letting anyone in because I’m scared i might loose you.I care so much that I wont put anyone through that,I know how soul crushing it is,to have someone mean so much that you’d stop breathing if that’s what it would take for just one more moment.

Loss has made me something I don’t understand,
I try but I just cant seem to get it right
Every day a new task,but the same feeling,weight on my shoulders dragging me down,I mean give me a break,I already drag myself down with my own weight.

I badly want to scream, cut,jump off a building,
Anything,absolutely anything to not feel the pain in my heart,in my soul
The never ending pain,yearning for love,approval,validation.

I want to feel whole,I want someone to hold my hand and walk with me
I want a spark,
Light up my life,but everytime I even get close it’s a wildfire,like I’m gas to the spark and it blows up in my face
Burning to the ground all efforts.

My entire life questioning whether I’m good enough,
If this life is worth the struggle
Years on end,still cant hold a hand.
Basic needs beat me,
I feel so basic that I dont even need myself anymore,
Just afloat,no movement
I cant swim,
No rescue ship,
I lie waiting for the end.
At least the sky is kind enough to brighten my day even when it’s dark,it still sparkles.

©️Melcaren

I DO

Drawing me in then you kicking me out,
Saying you want me then turn around and say you don’t,
You say you love me but still call me a thot,
You said you’d free me but you manage to have my heart in knots,
Looks like in your web I’m caught.

Love you I do, Respect you I do,
Cherish you, i do.
I want to walk down the aisle and tell you yes,i do!

Your eyes,my undoing
Not to mention those insanely soft lips.
Your hands burn my skin even the sun cant match,
Not even the rain can cool me down.
Make my body sing to your tune, Sweeter than the sweet,sweet symphony of the wind.
Driving me wild even Madagascar wouldn’t keep up.

You have me in limbo, I can’t go any lower,
I try to get to you but I’m only 5’2,
I run after you but I’m asthmatic,
I just ran out of options.

Yes,I do,I believe…….
Even Sam supports me,I believe in you
More than Poccahontas in Mr.Smith.
I believe in us.
I do.
©️Melcaren

THE END OF THE BEGINNING.

As a little girl I had it all,or so I believed,
Brought up in a house fit for royalty,
I had people all around at my disposal
How spoilt I was,was everyone’s opinion
But that did not stop my parents,I was their one and only,
I dreamt of having someone to shower with love like I saw in my house,being an only child no one dared upset me in any way.

He comes back to the house from his morning run I think,
Oh he looks delightful,his heart rate still so high music to my ears,seducing me into thoughts of how warm his blood would be on my hands
Warming me up,I feel my stomach clench at the excitement in his eyes as his beautiful mind conjures new ways to pleasure me scarring my skin with memories I’ll hold on to for he loved me and his sharp knives can bear witness to our unspoken love story.

Mama always told me if he loves you he’ll always choose you.
I know he loves me,
He chose me,
All his love imprinted on my skin,marked
I am his
He shows me as his hand meets my cheek and I fall hard for him,
The beginning of our love story.

Playful little girl,mama would always pinch my chubby cheeks as she helped me down a glass of water.
I loved my life and nothing else mattered,not the fact that there was a man watching us every time we stepped out.
I never said a thing because I didn’t feel like it was of importance,after all daddy will always protect us.
Day after day,this buff man would always be there in his dingy car watching my beautiful life take its course,until he decided to be the controller.

Lovely torture days on end and I began forgetting what beautiful feels like,
Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder,so I’ve heard,
But my eyes have only beheld tears as a result of his obsession with my pale skin,the need to add colour to it,so he’d whip and cut.

Every day bits of my soul walked away for they could not handle the heat,
All that was left,the stinging cold,like the floor I lay on as I cried myself to sleep every night after he sucked me dry,I can’t take it anymore! Yet I still took all of him,in mind I had to get out but I’m stuck In my head.

No one fights for you,you get up and take back control.
No soul,no innocence,
Aggression like he’s instilled,mama’s teachings taken away from me,I don’t remember who I am
What happened to me?
Who am I?
a deal with the devil himself might actually lead me on the right path.

Submission,I am yours
For the taking,whoever you want me to be,
For the making,mold me into you slave,
I’ll be yours to hold till you fall asleep,
Singing to you sweet melodies of my bleeding heart,pierced by your bare hands
Draining the life out of me.
A shell.

The girl with the most beautiful smile,bubbly as can be.
Never wronged anyone but the burden of before descends upon her tiny shoulders,
Crushing the rose before it completely blossoms, killing with it the Hope’s of a better, beautiful tomorrow.
She knows no light,her eyes know no color

She stood there watching them wheel his body away feeling quite sad,
Her joy taken away,she would never feel his warm blood on her hands,the way his knife felt on her skin,the way his boot to her stomach would leave her wanting more for she knew she couldn’t leave without him.

At last,she got what she wanted
She got the chance to leave but she can never fully live,for he forever lingers in her mind.

©️Melcaren

FIGHT NIGHT

I feel trapped,
In my own skin I don’t fit ,
In my head I don’t belong,
In my heart locked out,
I can’t breathe,
Someone throw me a lifeline.
Feels like a quicksand,oh its swallowing me real quick.

I want to scream,punch a wall,run to unknown destinations,
Anything to not feel like I’m drowning and I’m the only thing holding my head underwater.
My insecurities a ball and chain on my ankles pulling me lower.

How can I win when fighting my own self?
It’s like a mirrored image
You’re here but we’re not one
Cant we just get along?
Why won’t you let me be?

Front line in a war zone,loss stares at me
I want to fight,I just don’t have reason.
Standing there helpless as you slay me countless times,
Reason why i still stand,unknown to even me
Giving up seems in order
But I cant.
Miserable existence,
Merely existing,not living fully and devouring all life has to offer

You have me in a fix,for so many years
Coexisting
Still cant figure out how to flip the switch on you.
You are me,I am you
My own destruction.

©️Melcaren